Our bedtime ritual is starting to resemble a catholic mass.

It starts with the procession. This is a somber event, as the procession is typically preceded by any mix of PBS Sprout, popcorn, and LEGO. So, when the procession starts, the fun is officially over. In a display of amazing speed and complete disregard for personal well-being and safety, Ryan usually leads the procession up the stairs. I usually bring up the rear, right behind Anna, who feels it is her duty to remind me on every step that we are, in fact, “going upstairs”.

Anna douses us with holy water as she shakes her sippy cup violently, laughing.

We have two readings. Usually it’s “How Do Dinosaurs Clean Their Rooms?” followed by “Otis” or, if we’re really in the mood for a short service, a generic book with animal pictures. This is because it’s really easy to fly through those books. One animal per page. Duck, Cat, Monkey, Elephant, done.

Then it’s time for a reading from the Gospel according to Sarah. I don’t have the text but it goes something like:

And then the children asked: “why is it that we must go to sleep?” Sarah replied: “Truly I say to you – Because I said so. Now lie down and be quiet. Seriously. I don’t want to hear a peep…No you cannot have a cookie”.

Then Sarah and I do our best to process out without drawing too much attention to ourselves. We head downstairs and that’s when the real praying starts.

“Dear Lord, pleeeeeeeeeease make them fall asleep.”

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

When it doesn’t, we go and listen to their confessions:

I have to go potty.

I need a drink.

I want some M&Ms.

My baby’s on the floor.

I want the pink baby, not the purple baby.

I need you to tuck me in snug as a bug.

I need a blanket.

I don’t want this blanket.

There is a monster…in the closet…with the ghosts.

When it does, we sing a quiet “Hallelujah”.

What do your bedtime rituals look like?


About agreen81

I'm a father of three. I write software. I play music.
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